Written By Rick Ellis, Wednesday, August 6th, 2003

I'm mature enough to realize that when it comes to stand-up comedy, I am not an unbiased reporter. I spent more than a decade doing standup, working my way up the comedy food chain from open mike nights at Chicago's long-departed Comedy Womb to headlining clubs across the U.S.

And when it comes to standup, I realize I'm a purist. I most admire someone who can grab a mike, and just tell jokes. No props, no wacky impressions. You win extra points if you're fat and don't dwell on it, are black and don't do jokes about how "unhip" white folks are or don't spend your entire act dwelling on the obvious. Hey, you're from Pakistan. I get the differences. Feel free to make some jokes about, but if your act is devoted to where you were born, then you're just another Yakoff Smirnoff.

I began watching Last Comic Standing with a lot of reluctance. I quit standup to do talk radio, and never went back. I miss being in front of a crowd, but I'm too proud to do something halfway. But I also stay away from the clubs because most of the newer comics are less comedians than wannabe actors trying to come up with enough jokes to get their own sitcom. They're often intellectually lazy and take the easy way out on stage. Not that aren't some great unknown comics working the stages, but it's a depressing situation when you compare today's crop to the top comics five or ten years ago. The business is just different and it breaks my heart.

So the thought of NBC having a reality show that featured stand-ups was a bit scary. I'm all in favor of giving comics more exposure, but I had this nightmare that the finalists would be dominated by a bunch of comics who exemplified everything I hate about about the current comedy scene.

Luckily, the producers surprised me. The final ten comics (all of whom moved into a "comedy house" during the competition) included several comedians who deserved the chance for network exposure. Even better, many of the scenes in the comedy house made me real nostalgic for my standup days. There is a certain chemistry that takes place when you stick a bunch of stand-ups together, and that often came across in the episodes.

Not that Last Comic Standing was always easy to watch. The format was simple enough. Each week, another comedian was eliminated from the show via a head-to-head competition with another housemate. The comic on the line was the one with the most votes from the other stand-ups, and the target was then allowed to choose his or her competitor from the list of comics who voted to evict them.

In addition, the comedians participated in some sort of competition that would give one of them an exemption from being eliminated that week. There was also a "prize" competition, and the winner of that contest would receive some perk, such as a shot on an NBC show.

The problem with the show was that the comedians were evicted each week based on a vote of the live studio audience. And to be kind, while the public may have their own opinion, they aren't always right. Comedy, like music, is a subjective thing, and sometimes audiences are distracted by flash over substance. Carrot Top is more popular than Bill Hicks ever was, and Gallagher was so successful that he was able to put his brother on tour as "Gallagher II." Audiences sometimes pick the wrong person, and that trend was evident in Last Comic Standing.

Despite having watched every episode, I still find myself stunned that relative newcomer Dat Phan was not only able to win two head-to-head competitions, but the entire show. Phan is a comedian who is apparently a nice enough guy, but has only been doing standup a couple of years. He has a small amount of material (which he was forced at different points to repeat on the show), and most of what he did say was some variation of "my wacky Vietnamese mother said this." Phan was over his head, and clearly nowhere near the comic talent of rivals such as Dave Mordal, Rich Vos or Raphie May.

And yet, the audience seemed to love the guy. He inexplicably beat Mordal in a head-to-head competition, and easily won the final competition in Las Vegas. Thanks to the win, he scored a special with Comedy Central, an appearance on The Tonight Show, as well as other prizes he is really not ready for comedically. Watching him win it all, I felt real pain for some of the other comics.

But Phan's win also reminded me why I've stayed away from standup in recent times. His act (or lack thereof) is a tragically accurate representation of what passes for standup in most clubs. He's a guy who is honest in his aching for a sitcom, and in the end, everything he does on stage is designed to grab the attention of some producer. Phan is the Third Eye Blind of comedy, a sometimes talented but ultimately soulless performer.

I should also talk a bit about the two-hour finale of Last Comic Standing. The show was twice as long as it needed to be, and often moved as slow as Bea Arthur in a triathlon. I didn't need to see Jay Mohr do eight minutes to kick off the show, and his decision to try and be funny while he was announcing the results led to a couple of painful live moments. Most notably when Rich Vos and Corey Kaheny couldn't figure out who had actually been removed from the show. It was an awkward and near degrading experience for the contestants and their fans.

I hope NBC brings the show back next summer, but I would like to see some changes. A bit more promotion would help, and sending out the comics rather than Mohr would be helpful. I'd like to see more of an effort to bring in a wider range of talents, and with any luck, a stronger representation of veteran acts. Most importantly, I would like to see producers figure out a way to ensure the strongest comedians ultimately win. Otherwise, we're going to end up creating the next generation's answer to Pauley Shore.

You guys are nuts sometimes.