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Review:
The End of MST3K
By
Lori Holuta, February 28th, 1999
This past week,
it was announced that Mystery Science Theater 3000 would
cease production after the end
of its upcoming tenth season. The musings and reflections of
an avid MSTie follow.
"You
know, it's not so much the apocalypse as it's the humidity."
- Joel Robinson,
"Warrior of the Lost World"
In the not
too distant past, specifically the winter of 1991, I found myself
in a bewildered state, which happened to be New Jersey. Earlier
that year I had left behind my beloved Seattle, an entire lifestyle,
and a decade-long marriage. I was confused, fairly depressed, and
overwhelmed with the process of reinventing myself. I gladly would
have accepted any assistance with this project. How was I to know
that help was on its way in the form of a sleepy-eyed guy in a red
jumpsuit and his band of robot pals? Sitting alone in my room late
one night, feeling depressed and lonely, I began idly flipping through
the channels in search of a diversion to get my mind off my problems.
To my amazement, I suddenly found myself being pulled down a long
colorful tunnel, then abruptly plopped into a movie theater. Seated
in front of me were the silhouettes of a man and two oddly shaped
puppets that looked like a gumball machine and something you might
use in a tennis match.
"You
know, you give life to two inanimate objects, and they turn around
and mock your entire species."
- Joel Robinson,
"Slime People"
I double-checked
my glass of wine, and noted that I’d only sipped a bit of it.
No explanation for this technicolor hallucination there... and then
the movie started. It was a low budget epic called "Cave Dwellers,"
a 1980’s cheesefest starring Miles O’Keefe. Oh, this movie
was terrible, just awful. But I soon found myself laughing at the
wisecracks coming from that front row of the theater.
The man sitting
between the two robots (I later learned his name was Joel Robinson)
gazed at O’Keefe’s character, Ator, and with awe in his
voice asked, "Who is this gentle stranger, with pects like
melons and knees of fringe?" And when Joel queried, "How
much Keefe is in this movie?" Tom Servo (that gumball-shaped
‘bot) gleefully retorted, "Miles O'Keefe!" I was
in hysterics by this point, and it felt really good to laugh. It
had been a long time.
My life was
starting to feel a bit lighter, more fun, even tolerable! Armed
with my rediscovered sense of humor, I managed to gain some perspective
and remind myself that I had found a great job, a nice place to
live, and that I’d get the rest of my act together eventually.
I was going to be okay.
Welcome to
the world of Mystery Science Theater 3000 where nothing is so bad
that it can’t get worse, and this shared B-movie misery becomes
the catalyst for some amazingly funny results. I felt an overwhelming
need to learn more about this Joel, those ‘bots, that show,
and how they ended up stuck in those theater seats. I even grew
to love these marooned maniacs like members of my own family. When
Joel eventually left the show I felt as if I had lost a brother,
but I soon bonded with the Mads’ next victim, Mike Nelson.
I agonized with him as he fought to keep his sanity during his introduction
to the Mads’ evil scheme via a dismal movie called "Mitchell"
starring a profoundly unappealing Joe Don Baker and, in the worst
decision of her acting career, Linda Evans.
"Please
stay away from sharp instruments for three weeks after viewing this
film. And do not operate heavy equipment."
- Tom Servo,
"The Wild Wild World of Batwoman"
Just who are
these Mads and what is their evil scheme, you ask? First Joel, then
later Mike, were shanghaied by mad scientists, Dr. Clayton Forrester
and his assistant, TV’s Frank, and trapped aboard a spaceship
called the Satellite Of Love. The Mads are conducting a terrible
experiment - forcing their victims to watch terrible, horrid, cheesy
movies, while they monitor their minds. Mike fights back the only
way he knows - by making fun of the movies. He is assisted in this
fight for survival by two small robots, originally built by Joel
(who escaped from the "experiment" during the fifth season).
Tom Servo is a barrel-chested, hover-skirted, gumball-headed renaissance
man with the singing voice of an angel, while Crow T. Robot (the
T. stands for The), with his golden bowling-pin face and lacrosse
mitt hairdo is everyone’s bratty inner child, firing off the
wisecracks we all wish we could conjure on a moment’s notice.
The end result? A horrid movie turned into an amazingly fun experience.
"Bad
movie? You're soaking in it!"
- Crow T.
Robot, "Being From Another Planet"
As the seasons
progressed, Dr. Forrester and Frank, like Joel, both moved on. However,
their reign of cinematic terror was continued by Clayton’s
mother, Pearl Forrester and her assistants, Professor Bobo, who
hails from a planet where apes evolved from men, and Observer, an
ethereal pale-faced guy with no body (sort of) who carries his brain
around in a bowl (thus his nickname, "Brain Guy"). The
awful movies just keep coming, Pearl delights in sending them, and
we all somehow, each week, survive them together.
"Oh,
stop pretending there's a plot! Don't cheapen yourself further!"
- Crow T.
Robot,"The Wild Wild World of Batwoman"
Taking the
worst of what life hands us and laughing at it has become a way
of life for many of the faithful MSTies, as fans of the show are
known.
Much as earthquake
survivors form intense friendships based on their shared terror,
MSTies feel the common bond each week of having ‘survived another
experiment’ rather than the average viewer who simply ‘watches
TV’. Many MSTies have formed close online families, gathering
in various forums, newsgroups, and chat rooms to share their daily
drudgeries, failures and triumphs, and to travel together through
that biggest "experiment" of all - life.
"These
are the Good Guys. Feel their goodness wash all over you."
-
Crow T. Robot, "Radar Secret Service"
In the main
Internet newsgroup devoted to the show, I have seen new MSTies timidly
share their experiences as they face their daily challenges, both
epic and trivial, and I have marveled at the genuine outpouring
of comfort, encouragement, good humor and friendship that the group
so easily gives.
Within a few
days of finding this online family, I was welcomed and accepted,
and I looked forward to getting to know these strange, friendly
folk better. It’s been an experience I wouldn’t trade
for the world.
When the announcement
was made that Season Ten would be the last, one of the first questions
asked was ‘what will happen to our "family?" But
we knew that the bonds had already been formed and that we weren’t
going anywhere soon. MST3K The Series may end after this season,
but MST3K The Legacy will live on.
"This
doesn't look like it's headed towards a happy ending"
-Crow
T. Robot
"You
know, any ending would make me happier than I've ever been before"
-Mike Nelson,
"PARTS: The Clonus Horror"
Finally, to
anyone who scoffs at the life lessons taught to us by this little
puppet show, and to those that think it’s only a heap of bad
movies, may I sincerely and respectfully say, "bite me, it’s
fun!"
We still have
one last season to savor together, and when its done we will emerge
triumphant and perhaps changed for the better. Take what you’ve
learned from the crew of the Satellite of Love and make your life
a joyful one, no matter what comes your way.
"Joel,
what are these films supposed to teach us?"
-Crow T.
Robot
"We're
born, we die, & there is a lot of padding in between."
- Joel Robinson,
"The Hellcats"
Copyright,
Lori Holuta, 1999
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