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Review:
Mike Nelson Comes Home - The End of Mystery Science Theatre 3000
Written By Lori
Holuta, August 9th, 1999
3000 MST3K's final episode,
"Danger: Diabolik" aired this past Sunday evening, thus becoming
the last victim of MST3K, which gleefully ripped apart cheezy
movies for over a decade.
Our final adventure was
a super-groovy 1960's spy thriller starred John Phillip Law (familiar
to those MSTies who saw "Space Mutiny") as our hip hero. He's
got all the neat toys your average super-spy should have, as well
as the mandatory blonde vixen girlfriend. He dresses head to toe
in a rather upsetting form fitting black vinyl catsuit, a fact
that should have me wallowing in nightmares for weeks to come.
The plot involves having
sex while rolling in dollar bills, a gigantic gold ingot roughly
the size of Cleveland, cars falling off cliffs, trains being blown
up, storming of castles, antics in underwater cars, emeralds stuck
in cleavages, and truck hijacking Mentos-style. Need I say more?
Oh, don't make me.
The final adventure up
on the Satellite of Love involves Mike and the 'bots being subjected
to Pearl Forrester's newest toy - a joystick she acquired at Radio
Shack. While gleefully putting the ship through some terrifying
maneuvers, she accidentally breaks the 'stick of joy', which dooms
our heroes to a plummet towards Earth.
Finally, Mike's coming
home, but at this rate of speed, he may not enjoy the trip! As
our friends pack their bags for home (Mike packs nothing but rice,
for reasons only he knows), Tom 'cleans house' by blowing up all
the replicas of himself he has built over the past decade. This
proves to be difficult, confusing, and messy. Castle Forrester
is also in a panic - Pearl is just a *bit* miffed that her experimental
guinea pigs are escaping her evil clutches, and throws a very
small tantrum which destroys everything.
Eventually she calms down
enough to get on with her life, accepting a job as the dictator
of Qatar. Bobo finds work in the zoo (not fully understanding
that it's not a management role, but more of a 'resident' position),
and Brain Guy stays vague about all the 'stuff' an important guy
like him has to do.
Mikes poor little 'bots,
born and raised in space, are understandably anxious about leaving
the comforts of space, and Mike reassures them with a little song,
which makes Crow feel much better.
Tom, however, wedges himself
under the desk and doesn't want anything to do with it. In the
end, Mike and the 'bots somehow survive a ship-shattering crash,
and end up living comfortably in a "Garden Level" apartment.
We leave them settled
comfortably into the couch, happily watching a terrible movie.
Welcome to our side of the television screen, guys, and we hope
you enjoy the movies from our point of view as much as we have.
"Look Nelson, move on.
I am." - Pearl Forrester's last words... Will we move on? Should
we? Pearl hasn't been known to give out the sagest of advice before,
and I don't know if we should start listening to her now.
NOTE: Even though the
series is over, it's not *quite* over. Episode #1003 - "Merlin's
Shop of Mystical Wonders" hasn't aired yet, but should be coming
our way in mid-September. This episode was held back through the
season due to some airing rights snafus which hopefully will be
completely untangled so that we can enjoy our very own 'lost'
episode.
Lori Holuta Copyright
August 9, 1999
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