Five Best Lines: 'Kirstie' - 12/04/2013

After a lifetime of unbridled hedonism drinking and sleeping her way up and down Broadway Tony winning diva Madison Banks (Kirstie Alley) is confronted by something far more shocking than her usual opening night key parties: Arlo Barth, the son (Eric Petersen) she gave up for adoption 26 years ago.

Here are the fives best lines from the series premiere, which aired on TV Land on Wednesday, December 4th, 2013.

"You're what they call back home lottery rich."

--Arlo (Eric Peterson) sees Madison's home for the first time.




"You have a personal chef, a driver and an assistant. You're like a white Oprah."

--Arlo (Eric Peterson) is impressed with Madison's lifestyle




"Dead mom....what are you going to do?"

--Madison's (Kirstie Alley) inept attempt at consoling Arlo over the death of his adoptive mom




"I don't know the first thing about raising a child....although I did play Mary Poppins to rave reviews."

--Madison considers what it means for her to be a mother




"It could have been any number of guys in the summer production of Jesus Christ Superstar. well..not ANYONE. There were only 12 apostles."

--Madison's explanation of why she isn't sure about the identity of Arlo's father.