What If Shakespeare's Globe Theater Had Been Run Like A TV Network?

So what would "Hamlet" have looked like if it had been tested in the same way they test TV shows? Well, aside from the fact that Will Arnett would have been cast as Hamlet, here is a look at a process which thankfully never took place:

Thank you for attending this production of William Shakespeare's 'Hamlet' at the Globe Theater. In order to continue to please you, the playgoer, we would like to take this time to request your response to several aspects of the play you have just seen.

1. You have just seen a play by William Shakespeare. If the Globe stages future productions of Mr. Shakespeare's plays, which of the following statements best describes your feelings:

a. I would never under any circumstances, if you boiled me in oil and placed me on the rack, attend another play by Shakespeare.

b. I might attend another play.

2. For the following statements, say whether you strongly agree, agree, disagree, or strongly disagree:

2. The plot of the play was too complicated and confusing.

3. I liked the fact that the characters spoke in iambic pentameter.

4. These characters have values I can relate to.

5. I found the iambic pentameter to be confusing and hard to follow. It would be better if they spoke in prose.

6. I found the fact that everybody died in the end depressing.

7. I liked the fact that everybody died in the end. I wish that the few characters who did not die had also died.

8. The play was too violent.

9. This is a play that the whole family can enjoy.

10. I cared about what happened between Hamlet, the prince who dressed in black pretended to be crazy and stabbed the father of his girlfriend Ophelia, who was crazy, picked flowers and drowned herself, and his girlfriend Ophelia.

11. I found the number of characters confusing.

12. I found the mix of humor and serious situations to be entertaining.

13. I was disturbed that Hamlet, the prince who dressed in black pretended to be crazy and stabbed the father of his girlfriend Ophelia, seemed to have a problem with women.

14. I was offended that Hamlet was the hero and yet he kept killing people.

3. Rate the following characters on the qualities of friendliness, likability, and attractiveness:

a. Hamlet, the prince who wore black pretended to be crazy and stabbed the father of his girlfriend Ophelia.

b. Ophelia, Hamlet's girlfriend, who was crazy, picked flowers and drowned herself.

c. Claudius, the king who killed Hamlet's father and married his mother.

d. Gertrude, Hamlet's mother who married the king who killed Hamlet's father and married his mother.

e. Horatio, Hamlet's friend who dreamt of less things in his philosophy than there were in earth and heaven.

f. Osric

g. Polonius, Ophelia's father who paid the French people to spy on his son and was later stabbed by Hamlet

h. Laertes, who had a swordfight with Hamlet.

i. Fortinbras, the noble sexy Norwegian soldier who saved the day at the end of the play.

4. If the following events occurred at the same time as a production of Hamlet, which would you prefer to see?

a. Ben Jonson's Volpone.
b. Hamlet

a. Thomas Kyd's Spanish Tragedy
b. Hamlet

a. John Ford's 'Tis Pity She's a Whore
b. Hamlet

a. Christopher Marlowe's Dr. Faustus
b. Hamlet

a. William Shakespeare's Merry Wives of Windsor
b. Hamlet

a. Bear baiting
b. Hamlet

a. Public execution of a filthy papist dog.
b. Hamlet


5. If William Shakespeare writes a play with the sexy, dashing Fortinbras who saved the day at the end of the play as the hero of Shakespeare's new play, which of the following statements is most true?:

a. I would watch it unless there was a particularly gruesome execution on at the same time.

b. I would seek the play out.

c. I would not watch the play under any circumstances.



6. May the Globe contact you regarding future surveys?

a.Yes

b. You may not contact me under any circumstances.

Please provide the following information:

Name Address

Hometown: ____ - on- ______ Guild